Dissolving the Barriers to Love


February 2013
By Heather Indu Eilering

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.” -ACIM

After reading the above quote, I’d say it’s GOOD news that love is unconditional and always present. The challenge is facing up to the fact that I am responsible for building barriers against it. We seem to believe that we have to seek and find love within ourselves and others, but I’d like to suggest that that is our main block! That maybe we aren’t yet willing to be loved the way we deserve because we are not willing to love the way we want to be loved. And may I suggest that our only real choice is to reconsider how we want to love instead of being so concerned with how we are loved. True Love is given and received unconditionally. Am I willing to learn how to give love this way? If I am, then I must begin, instead of searching for love, to search for and own all the barriers I place within myself against giving this kind of love. If I begin this search, I will find that I place all these barriers against giving unconditional love because I am afraid. And what is harder to believe than that, is that I choose to be afraid rather than give or receive this true, unconditional love. But, remember it is in discovering these blocks and choosing to give love unconditionally regardless of the blocks we now see, that allows us to then to receive this same unconditional love.

The beautiful book A Course In Miracles (ACIM) makes a very interesting statement, which may give us a clue as to why we don’t experience unconditional love. The opposite of love is not hate – it is fear. It is my choosing to fear that creates barriers to love, because to us the fear is very real. That is why blame, guilt and anger are unnecessary and only hinder our progress by hiding the fear. Think about it for a moment…when you get cut off in traffic your first response may be to get angry. Maybe you think that person was inconsiderate, selfish, and a number of other dark things… but what does that anger really cover? Fear – Fear that you could have been hit, gotten into a spin on the road, crashed and been injured. So really the anger only covers the fear underneath. The more we pay attention to these barriers, the more often we see them for exactly what they are – fear.

Now, if you take that a step further and look at it from a balanced point of view, fear is simply a call for love. So the root of all guilt, sadness, anger, judgments, and limitation, … is fear. And underneath that fear is our cry for love. This is an incredibly compassionate way of looking at one another and oneself. It is also a very different way of handling relationships and what arises in them. It helps to dissolve those barriers to love, because we are choosing to replace each one of those barriers with love – energy follows attention – as we teachers so often say in yoga class. Once we begin to allow compassion into our hearts, we allow that unconditional Love to enter us as well. We allow the love to transform our fears about giving unconditional love into opportunities to do just that.

This is why Yoga Nidra can be such an amazing practice. It can help take us to that state of mind where we are more willing to live in the solution and not so devoted to the problem. It takes us into such a relaxed state, a state nearer to the one our divine spirit lives in, that the guilt, fear, anxiety, and anger that we carry, fades back into the nothingness it comes from, so that our minds are more open to God’s, Spirit’s guidance and love. And as I say at the end of almost every Yoga Nidra, the more often you go to your source, the easier it is to return there and the longer you can stay there! I think the Amrit Method of Yoga Nidra Manual sums up what I am saying very beautifully so I will leave you with these words.

“That which I am searching for is me. That which acts as an enemy is me. And that which is attempting to get rid of the self-destructive me is also me. I am the obstruction and I am the Way. That which obstructs is my own creation caused by my unconscious patterns. The “I” that is the light of consciousness is obscured by unconsciousness. That which I am searching for is hidden behind all the false images I hold for myself. That which remains and cannot be removed after getting rid of all that I have acquired is the real me.” -Amrit Method of Yoga Nidra Manual

Jai Bhagwan,

Special thanks to Nicholas Lizza and Julie Eilering

Originally posted March 2008

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