Symphony of Your Soul
By Indu (Heather Eilering) January 2013
Did you know that every moment is an opportunity to start new? You don’t have to wait for January 1st to set intentions and goals! We humans, however, seem to deem the first of a new year like a start line that cannot be moved. That can be to your advantage or a disadvantage depending on how you use it. I’ve written many newsletters on goals and intentions in the new year so I’m going to take a different tact this January. If you want a refresher, check out Santosha’s Newsletters of January’s past. This year let’s try something new.
I was listening to a song I hadn’t heard in a very long time and it brought up past memories of a time in my life where I didn’t feel like I was good enough for the rest of the world. I felt like I didn’t deserve to be loved, I felt like no other human could really understand me, I felt isolated and alone. As I was listening to this song, present time, it hit me like a brick. I had spent my entire life restricting myself. My thoughts, my emotions, my actions all supported this one idea that I was an outsider, the wrong size, wrong attitude, wrong lifestyle… you get the idea. I reinforced this believe system for close to thirty years, very unconsciously.
As I listed to this song I noticed how those same beliefs no longer run my life. My whole belief system about myself and the world around me has begun to change, and for the better at that! I realized that it was never the rest of world condemning me and telling me that who I was as a person was not good enough. It was always me. Sure, there are those people who did tell me I wasn’t good enough, but the percentage of support to condemnation was most definitely tilted to the support side. It was me all along condemning myself and I wasn’t open enough to see the love and support around me because my eyes were closed to that part of life.
After 11 years of practicing yoga and following a Spiritual path I realize that despite myself I have changed. The practices were like a gentle flowing river that gradually softened the hard stones of my belief systems. The very important role I played was having the willpower to stay on the path even when times were hard – even when the gently flowing river appeared to be more like raging rapids. What I learned was that I just had to get better at letting go; letting go of my beliefs (aka judgments) about not only myself but the world around me as well.
What supported me in this process of letting go when it seemed like I was up a raging river without a paddle? A Light inside myself that every now and then I was quiet enough to listen to. This Light inside me softly whispered of love and peace and joy, and I of course spent too much time believing those things were impossible for me, or perhaps even I didn’t want them because I valued my beliefs even more than the truth.
I have one intention for this new year. It is my intention to take time every moment that I can to still my beliefs enough to listen to that Light inside, despite myself. And not only to listen to it, but to hear its song of Love playing continuously for me. To begin humming along with that song more and more. Eventually, to sing it at just the right note for those around me to hear.
My wish for you is that you too begin to listen and hear the glorious orchestra being played for you right now! It has nothing to do with January 1st and will not disappear Feb. 1st when you forget to eat right or go for the perfect job. It is a symphony playing continuously just for you to understand that right here, right now, You are perfect.
In Loving Service,
Heather Michelle Eilering